High school sucked.  I was focused on all the wrong things.  I needed approval and wanted to fit in.  It seems like most guys had a particular group they wanted to or did fit in with.  I wanted to fit in with everyone and therefore didn’t fit in with anyone.

I thought I had good friends.  They were good, but I didn’t know what a friend really was.  They ended up just being guys who wanted to get drunk together.  Maybe none of us knew how to “fit in” so we escaped with the alcohol.  I remember wishing I would get a phone call from anyone besides my usual cast of 16 year-old drunks to go do something.  It never happened.

I had stopped going to church because that wasn’t cool anymore (after middle school years of choir, bell choir, and youth groups).  I dropped out of the German Club because that certainly wasn’t cool.  One of my sisters got the golf coach to agree to put me on the golf team, so I would be cool – but I sucked and never got to play – so that wasn’t cool.  I did my homework every night and that certainly wasn’t cool – and people copied it from me every morning – and while that seemed cool, it wasn’t.

I was lost.  Every peer, commercial, TV show, song on the radio, and magazine was telling me I wasn’t normal unless I was masturbating or having sex – and as much as I tried, it wasn’t happening, so I assumed it was one more thing that made me worse than not cool.  I pretty much made straight A’s when I wanted to but school was boring.  It was so boring that a friend and I would go to 7-11 before class at 7am and buy a six-pack of Mickey’s Beer and slam 3 each before math class (we chose Mickey’s because it supposedly got you the most drunk).  It at least made math a little more fun.

I remember when The Rolling Stones released Waiting on a Friend (you can check out Pearl Jam’s cover of it here on Hype Machine).  I think it was my senior year.  I played it over and over and over.  It shocked me.  It gave me a glimmer of hope that maybe someone else suffered the same thing as me.

Don’t need a whore.  I don’t need no booze….I’m just waiting on a friend.

When college came along, I thought I had finally discovered friendship by being in a fraternity.  I’m still close friends with many of them, but for the most part it was high school times ten.  More and more pressure for sex, alcohol, drugs, and fitting in.

I may not have needed a “virgin priest” like Mick Jagger sang, but I needed a friend.  I just didn’t have a clear definition of what that meant.  Mick tried to help by saying, “I need someone I can cry to, I need someone to protect“, but I didn’t get that either because it wasn’t cool to cry, right?  Plus it was all about me so why would I worry about protecting someone else?

I pretty much spent from 1979 to 2005 without a relationship with God or a local church and had no Christian mentors that I was aware of to guide me or teach me or show me their relationship with Christ.  I pursued money, power, and sex like I thought I was supposed to.  I used to wish I could turn the clock back and get a do-over based on what I know now.  But now I realize that God has some pretty huge plans for me to help Him teach young men today what real friends are.

Some might call it being in “community”.  Some might call it being loved.  Some might call it being part of “the church” (where everyone loves and supports each other, right?).  It could be all of that.  But I think it is easier than that.  I think a real friend is someone I can (and should) confess my most darkest secrets to, someone I can call at 3am who will answer and not be pissed off, someone I care about enough to mean it when I ask how they are doing, someone who means it when they ask me how I’m doing, someone who will hold me accountable to do what I say I’m going to do and what I need to do, someone to call me out when I screw up, someone who trusts me, someone I trust, someone whose needs I put before mine, someone who puts my needs before theirs, and I could probably go on and on.

I think Joe Cocker may say it best in his 1969 cover of the Beatle’s With a Little Help from My Friends when he sings, “I need someone to love“. (you can check it out here on Hype Machine).

Wow.  I bet most people don’t believe you can have many true or real friends like that.  They’re wrong.  You can.  If you don’t already have them, the best and fastest way to get them is to be that kind of friend to others first – while being self-less and not expecting anything in return.  Put their needs before your own.  Before you know it, you’ll have more real friends than you ever imagined.

Funny thing is that all of that is taught all throughout the Bible.  If I’d only realized that at age 16 I might have prevented a lot of the harm and heartache that I caused.

“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” – James 5:16

I don’t think James was just making a suggestion.  I believe it is truth and that the “healing” he is refering to is the kind that makes life exciting and fulfilling and filled with joy.  It takes a real friend to be able to confess and pray with.

“Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them” – John 13:17

John 13 is the story about how Jesus washes the feet of his disciples.  Afterwords, Jesus says, “I have set an example that you should do as I have done for you.”  His point is to get us to serve each other, putting others’ needs before our own, and that none of us are better than another.

“A new command I give you: Love one another.  As I have loved you, you must love one another.” – John 13:34

Yep, Jesus said it straight up – a new command – not a recommendation – to love one another.  That’s what real friends do.  But I guess by Jesus’ definition the entire world is supposed to be real friends then.  Wow.  What would that look like?  Oh yeah.  Heaven.  One of these days…

Wow. I won’t have the words to describe it here. My mind and heart were completely blown tonight at Austin Stone Community Church. The sermon was based on 1 Corinthians 11:17-34 – The Lords’ Supper.

I’ve been taking communion since I was baptized in the 6th grade. I think I’ve probably heard dozens of great preachers tell me all about the Lord’s Supper and what it means – not to mention the thousands of times they’ve reviewed it right before serving “the elements”. But no, not this time. Matt Carter brought it home. I will never ever experience communion the same way again.

In 1 Corinthians 11:17-34, Paul is talking to the Corinthian Church about The Lord’s Supper. First of all, Matt made it clear that there is no place in the Bible where it says how often or how we are to take communion – but that it does command us to take it – and that we are supposed to examine our hearts before we come. It’s funny how some denominations take it once a quarter, some once a month, and some every Sunday. I always wondered about that.

Paul talks about how taking communion with an unworthy heart is a really big deal – and will result in discipline from God on the same level of big deal as Jesus dying on the cross. Not condemnation but discipline – loving discipline. Paul says in verse 30, “That is why many among you are weak and sick, and a number of you have fallen asleep.” Matt Carter explained how the original greek for “asleep” is used in other verses in the Bible to mean death. I don’t believe he was telling us that God would make us sick or die if we didn’t do communion right. But I believe whole heartedly that it is a really really big deal.

Jesus’ command was to “..do this in remembrance of me”. Matt explained how “remembrance” was just remembering like we use the term in English – remember the facts. The original meaning was more about re-capturing the significance of the event. Matt went on to explain it with a story about losing his mom. He could stand there and tell us the facts about her death and not be moved by it. But if he were to really think back to that day when he and his dad and sister watched their mom and wife die right in front of them, and the whaling of his dad, and the blank look of hopelessness on his sister’s face, that there is no way he could do so without feeling the full impact of the event and weeping. This is what Jesus meant when he instructed us to “..do this in remembrance of me.”

Paul is talking about how the people of Corinth were showing up to steal the bread and eat it before anyone else could, or how others were getting drunk off of the wine. He told them “..whoever eats the bread and drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of sinning against the body and blood of the Lord.” We might argue that we don’t steal the bread or get drunk off of the grape juice, so this doesn’t apply to us. But it does. We simply cannot come to the Lord’s table without examining our hearts first and recognizing the significance of the event – taking ourselves back to that last day – to the gruesome death that Christ suffered just for us – just for us to be able to be forgiven once and for all. We do this and we ball like babies in awe and thankfulness until He comes back again.

Again, my words here don’t even come anywhere close to the experience I had tonight. Even if you listen to the sermon online, I doubt you will get a fraction of the intensity in that room. I wish everyone could have been there. I mean everyone. It wasn’t there yet as I wrote this, but you can check here to find and listen to the mp3 of the sermon once it is available.

Originally, Advent was the season before Epiphany (January 6) which is when most Christian denominations in the West mark the adoration of Jesus’ birth by the three wise men (Magi) or in the East, His baptism in the Jordan river.  It originally started out as a time of fasting and self-reflection. It became a time to prepare for Christ’s second coming as well as reflecting on His first.  Preparing for the second coming made it a solemn occasion since the second coming was also seen as “Judgement Day”.  That all changed in the mid-300s.  Constantine the Great declared Jesus’ birthday a national holiday and Julius, bishop of Rome, set the date as December 25.  Eventually, the Western church stopped requiring fasting for Advent.  There are tons of great articles online (ChristianHistory.com – Happy(?) Advent) and shows on the History Channel that reveal that the history of Christmas has changed substantially over the centuries.

As a child, I loved Christmas because of all of the celebrations, lights, and gifts.  Then later, as an adult, I became disgusted with the commercialism or consumerism that seemed to take over the holiday.  I realized that Christmas was more about profits and losses and me, me, me than it was about the birth of Christ.   Once I learned a little history about Christmas, I realized that Christians actually stole it (and borrowed some of the folklore and traditions) from the Pagans who were already partying every winter to celebrate the Winter Solstice.   I guess we had to compete and show that we partied too.  So now I don’t get as frustrated with the traffic or shopping crowds.  And when I hear someone say “the reason for the season” I know they haven’t done their homework.  There are tons of reasons and history behind celebrating and exchanging gifts during the Winter – and for more than just Christians.  But for me, I’ve decided it is what we make of it.

I want to really dive into Advent this year and discover its history and see how I can participate in it or celebrate it or study it – for no other reason than millions of people all over the world are showing up to church services over the next 4 weeks with purple and rose colored candles in their Advent Wreaths (or some who use only white ones), while a cute little family has a child light the candles according to over 1600 years of tradition.  I doubt that most of those millions could tell you much about what’s up with that tradition (uh oh, that was a pretty judgmental thing for me to say).  I just always thought it was a time that marked the four weeks prior to Christmas where Dad read something boring to us and then we sang a few Christmas hymns.  It made the family happy and was a small price to pay for a chance at better gifts on Christmas day – or better yet – a chance at getting to open a present early.  Dad always used to read stuff to us during Advent written by a guy named Martin Luther.  I had heard of him and thought he had something to do with civil rights.  It was much later in life that I realized he was the Martin Luther behind the whole Protestant Reformation in the 1500’s and that Martin Luther King, Jr. was the civil rights advocate from the 1950’s who was just named after him.  The book dad read from was called Martin Luther’s Christmas Book.  I just bought it and doubt it will be boring to me now.

I feel like an idiot because I also knew there was a Christian denomination called Lutheran.  It just never clicked with me that it was from the Martin Luther of the 1500s.  It was the German Lutherans who began to physically mark the days of Advent with an Advent Calendar – using chalk marks on a door and eventually candles.  Apparently, the first known public Advent Wreath was hung in a prayer hall in Hamburg, Germany in 1839 although it had supposedly been a private family practice since the 1600s.

I’m somewhat ashamed to have taken this many years to care enough about it to really try and understand it.  On the other hand, I’m completely stoked to discover what its all about – at least to me.  And I plan to share it with you.  I’ve never been good about just accepting what someone tells me.  I have to dig around and check it out.  If you’re that way too, but don’t have time, I hope my digging around proves to be useful to you.

The word advent comes from the Latin word “adventus” meaning “coming”.  The latin word is a translation of the Greek word “parousia” which is commonly used in reference to the Second Coming of Christ.  The prevalent Christian practice is that the season or time of Advent serves as a dual reminder of the original waiting that the Hebrews did for the first coming of Christ – as well as the waiting today that takes place for the second coming.

On the first Sunday of Advent, the first candle is lit.  It is usually purple and is traditionally the candle of Expectation or Hope.  Throughout the Old Testament, we see that God’s people were abused by kings, led astray by self-centered prophets, and lulled into apathy by half-hearted religious leaders.  This created a longing among some for God to raise up a new king.  So God revealed to some prophets that He would not leave His people without a true shepherd.  Christ came.  Now, the world is still not quite “as it is in heaven”, so we wait with hope for the Second Advent – the second coming – when things will be “on earth as it is in heaven” – or what I believe will be when earth and heaven become one. One way I came to understand or believe that was through reading N.T. Wright’s newest book, Surprised by Hope.

But I believe that Advent is also about hope for today – for what God is doing right now right here through Christ who is with us each day as the Holy Spirit.  I see God at work everywhere and it is amazing and exciting.

I was with my 19-year-old niece, Jess, this weekend for Thanksgiving.  She told me about all she had been learning in a social work course she is taking in college.  The teacher is also the CEO of a boys home and instead of lecturing everyday, he takes the class to various social work related organizations to experience first hand the work being done by social workers (or by God through the body of Christ who are the social workers).  Hearing her talk about how she wanted to go into some type of social work as a career was inspiring.  It took me over 40 years to realize that there are a lot of people who through no fault of their own need help.  I’m hopeful that she and many others like her are learning it so much sooner and doing something about it.

I also met Jess’ friend this weekend, a 19-year-old girl named Amy who is raising her 5-year-old brother, Nathaniel, all on her own – all while she works and goes to college to pursue a career in social work or counseling of some kind.  She works harder and is smarter than almost anyone I’ve ever met.  She does it mostly so that Nathaniel will have a better chance and a better life than she has had.  She gives me tremendous hope.

I see hope though what God is doing in these and many other people’s lives.  I also see what God is doing to bring hope into my own daily life.  One thing is the encouragement to write more notes like this one. Another is that after two and a half years of no regular employment or income (and various failed attempts at entrepreneurship), I now have several awesome sources of income for awesome work both as a software developer and marketing consultant. Most importantly (at least for today), I see the excitement and hope of figuring out what it means to “do church” or “belong to a church” or “choose a church” – and whether or not we can faithfully serve or attend multiple churches and what that means.

These notes stir up great conversation (which I invite and encourage even if it is to completely disagree with me).

Another major way God is working in my life and giving me hope is financially.  I’ve done well financially my entire life – that is, in worldly terms.  But I don’t feel like I’ve ever been a good steward of the money I’ve made.  I mostly just pissed it away on things I probably didn’t need – mostly.  I’m not there yet, and don’t know if I’ll ever be, but I’m making great steps toward living within my means and when spending money on anything, trying to make sure it is something God would be fine with knowing that it is His money. With the new jobs and sources of income now, I’m sure it will be difficult. Will I buy that cool 52″ HDTV now? Will I finally buy a new vehicle and try to justify it since my 1995 Jeep just passed 190,000 miles? Will I keep eating out every meal and eating too much? I hope not, but the odds are against me.

So yeah.  This week is the first week of Advent – a week of hope and expectation.  I don’t think I’ve ever been more hopeful.  I hope the same is true for you too!