Films of Interest for Survivors After Suicide
This article was written by Susan Celentano, MFT, and was used with permission from the Didi Hirsch Community Mental Health Center in Culver City, CA. The paper is excerpted from the Oct/Nov/Dec 2003 and the Jan/Feb/Mar 2004 issues of the Survivors After Suicide newsletter, a publication of Didi Hirsch Community Mental Health Center. If you have comments on these films or have additional films to recommend, please include them in comments on this post. We added photos and links to Amazon.com for each of the titles so you can buy or rent them if you like.
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Films can provide an opportunity for insight, empathy and emotional catharsis for those of us who have survived suicide. Realistic illustrations of grief have not been an uncommon theme in films, notably Ordinary People (1980), The Accidental Tourist (1988), and In the Bedroom (2001), but only recently have filmmakers shown not only a deeper understanding of the issue of suicide and an appreciation of its complexity, but a willingness to examine the plight of the survivor.
Dramatization can serve to broaden our understanding of issues, clarify emotional conflicts, help us identify strengths and adaptive responses, illuminate different perspectives and develop options for coping and living with unanswered questions and an ever-present absence. This is meant to be a guide both for those who wish to view suicide and grief related films therapeutically and for those who prefer to stay away from films which contain disturbing and incendiary material. There is, after all, something to be said for escapism. If you do watch these films, try to discuss them with someone afterwards, your therapist or a fellow survivor, to “debrief” and enhance any therapeutic value. Films which address the issue of suicide fall into two major categories: those which examine the internal world of the suicidal person and/or the survivor as the theme of the film, and those which recklessly incorporate a suicide for shock value, with no regard for victim or survivor issues. The films reviewed below fall into the former category.
The Hours (2002) The question of suicide is central to this profoundly affecting film about loss, longing and despair. A provocative ‘to be or not to be’ portrait which will sadden and enlighten as you get a glimpse into the internal world of each of the characters. If you look closely, you will experience a sense of hope and redemption. This film also takes a sensitive look at what it’s like to live with a mentally ill and suicidal person. You will witness two acts of suicide in this film. (If you are an Amazon/Tivo Unbox customer, click 
to download the video to your Tivo box).
Love, Liza (2002) This is an unflinching, relentless examination of the aftermath of suicide, and the desperate attempts of one man to avoid the pain. You will not witness the suicide, but the wrenching emotional agony of the survivors and the ambiguous ending are disturbing.
Permanent Record (1988) Although this film lacks the depth of, for example The Hours, all the survivor issues are here—the whys, the what-if’s, the anger, confusion, helplessness, guilt. It is the story of a group of teens in the aftermath of their beloved friend’s suicide. It is a sensitive and evocative portrayal, ultimately focusing on what we keep of those we lose. You do not actually witness the suicide.
What Dreams May Come (1998) In this movie everything is vivid, from the images of heaven and hell to the strong emotions, both positive and negative, it elicits in viewers. This movie speaks to many survivor issues, but you must be willing to loosen your grip on rigid belief systems. The movie relies on allegory and symbolism to illustrate the power of guilt and unfinished business and the corresponding tasks of renewal and forgiveness. The beauty is as breathtaking as the darkness is unsettling. There is a suicide in this movie, but you will not witness it. You will however, hear several direct statements about what happens to “suicides” after death, and view related disturbing images. They will cause you to shudder and wince. If you focus on them, if you stay stuck there, you’ll miss the real message of the movie, which is not punishment, but redemption. (If you are an Amazon/Tivo Unbox customer, click to download the video to your Tivo box).
Harold and Maude (1972) is described as a “dark comedy.” It is ironic, irreverent, crass, and absurd, yet somehow it feels like sweet salve on my restless soul. It is a celebration of life against the backdrop of death. You will witness numerous “staged” suicides in this movie, by the Harold character. The images are no less disturbing for their theatrics and will almost certainly be traumatic for survivors. This movie will stimulate your thoughts about suicide, end of life decisions, and individual responsibility and choice.
Silence of the Heart (1984) was the first “suicide” movie I saw after my partner died. As a new survivor, I was cocooned in a miasma of misery and sorrow. One afternoon I crawled into bed after returning from my SAS support group, as had become my pattern. Robotically, I turned on the television and saw Mariette Hartley portraying a mother whose teenage son had committed suicide. The movie depicted a family torn apart by suicide and their attempts to make sense of the tragedy. I immediately connected with the anguished expressions on Mariette’s character’s face—the absolute horror, the raw, desperate, sorrowful face of suicide grief. My anguish blended with hers, as I followed her from the initial shock to the place where healing can begin. Therein lies hope for the new survivor.
Housekeeping (1987) is the story of two young girls who struggle to find their place in the world—a place to belong—after their mother dies by suicide. One of the girls narrates the story, referring to herself and her sister as “the marooned survivors of some wreck.” This is a gentle movie. The images are soft and plaintive, not jarring, as in some of the other selections. The story also addresses the issues of social stigma, shame and mental illness.
’Night Mother (1986) gives you a glimpse into one suicidal mind. A woman has made a decision to end her life and attempts to explain her reasoning to her mother. The exchange between the two women is provocative, as the mother makes increasingly desperate efforts to convince her daughter that her life is worth living and the daughter counters with the facts of her lifelong struggle with depression. You hear a gunshot in this movie, but you do not witness a suicide.
These movies, and so many others like them, challenge us. They prod us and sometimes jar us out of stagnation and emotional rigidity. There is a need, almost a desperation, after a loved one dies by suicide to categorize and label, to put the suicide in its place as this or that. The problem is, suicide is not this or that. It is this AND that, and then some. Suicide is a multi-faceted, complex phenomenon, with multi-faceted, complex implications for the victim and the survivor.
The portrayal of suicide in film forces this issue. Suicide is not one dimensional, nor were our loved ones. Does Maude kill herself for the same reason as the Nicole Kidman character in The Hours ? Does Harold court suicide for the same reason as the Al Pacino character in Scent of a Woman ?
Considering such questions can help us to understand our own loved ones, perhaps to recognize their pain or understand their reasoning and to accept and forgive, to find some peace in our hearts. Movies do not hold the answers to our loved ones’ suicides. Those answers do not exist. But they can help us on our journey by providing models of strength and hope and insights on how to navigate the rocky terrain and get to the other side of grief, where there’s warmth and light, and where our loved ones continue to occupy a space in our lives.
